i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
