Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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