We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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