I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will be naked everywhere
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
