yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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