I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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