i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
