I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
