Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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