Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
