our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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