I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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