i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
