Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
