I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
