Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
