You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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