My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize