Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
