Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
