worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
