This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
