It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
