my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
