I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
