Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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