Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
