at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
