a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
