if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
