"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize