Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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