hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
