I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
