i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
