he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I stole a fireplace last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
