drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
