Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it glows. i had to have it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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