Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sext me about skeletons
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
