finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
