are you so shy because you have an std?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
