Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
