Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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