that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
