I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
