I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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