What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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