I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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