I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
high people should be assigned attendants
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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