I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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