I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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