The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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