i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
