how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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