I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
