Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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