honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize