There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
