I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
