Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
