Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
