dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
