Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
