this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
