What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
