Will you blow on my dice?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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