Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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