My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
