I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
